Giving Up on Giving Up

I'm ready for a better life.

I'm ready to be somebody.

I'm ready to move forward. 

I'm giving up on giving up.

Why is it so hard to fail? Why is it such a fear of ours? I mean isn't failure just an opportunity to show how strong we actually are? To do it better? Isn't it just another chance to succeed? Failure is just another opportunity. 

Every single day I fail a hundred thousand times and I will continue failing a hundred thousand times a day. But I also succeed a hundred thousand times a day. I pick myself up from those failures.....at least I used to. 

I'll admit it; I've given up, at least a little bit. I've hit a wall and have accepted that it's impossible to break through it. My failures have become much harder to roll off my back. I am accepting my failures as the end, not the opportunity to begin again. Time to hit the reset button on my brain and this is precisely what this post is. This is my reset button. This is me giving up on giving up. 

In an article by Emma Watson (no not that one), a Lifehack expert, 5 Tips to Stay Positive in Negative Situations, she provides tools to help pick you up out of the negative puddle we all find ourselves in at one point or another. 

After reading this article I realized I have all the tools necessary to maintain a positive frame of mind, more so that most people out there. 

1. Have a Positive Support Group

2. Voice Your Blessings

3. Retrain Your Mind

4. Exercise Your Body and Mind

5. Accept Change/Failures and Find Solutions

I have so many things to be thankful for and feel blessed for. I have an amazing support system both at home and in my workplace; something that many people lack. So I have step one down! On to the next! I am on a mission. 

I would add one thing to the list. Have an outlet. Have something to completely separate you from your thoughts for a while. Relax. Have some time for yourself where you can do anything you want. For me it’s crafting, writing and dancing. A little music and a piece of paper and I will be able to mentally reset myself and be ready to take on life as it comes. 

This is my declaration of independence. From negativity, from a life full of doubt, from the black cloud that had been sitting over my head raining down negative thoughts and drowning me in my own ridiculous submission to those toxic moments of failure. No more. I won't drown, I'm a fantastic swimmer. 

-ALR  

Highlights

Tonight, as I wait for my power to turn back on, I can’t stop my mind from drifting. This quiet darkness has triggered my mind to take a trip into the past. Through memories which have become burned into my brain and molded me into the person I am today.

I often daydream and drift back into my earlier years; usually with a set of headphones and a smooth playlist to help me lose myself in the walk down memory lane. This particular trip seems to focus on the people in my life; people I have met briefly, ones I have liked for a moment, and the few I have deeply loved for a while.

I think most people can agree that you never fully forget those you have loved. The people you let into your soul and the ones who let you into theirs.

The question that comes to my mind, and I’m sure to all of yours, when someone falls out of my life is; “What was the point?”

What is the point? Great, we had fun, we had sadness, we had anger, we had love, we had hate, we shared our deepest darkest secrets, and for what? To just say see ya later?

 Well, I can’t answer that for everyone. But, I know that I have learned something from each and every person I have loved and who has loved me. I have taken something from each relationship I have had, and hopefully given something as well.

The way I like to think of it is like a painting, or any creative project for that matter. You start a painting, you spend a so much time on it, putting everything into it, love, sweat, tears, muscle, energy, until one day it’s done….Well, what do I do now? There’s nothing else you can do to the painting, the drawing, etc. If you add one more color, one more brush stroke, it will ruin what you have created. So you’re done. It’s over. What’s the point?

Well, I bet you’re saying, duh, hang it up! Of, course! Place it somewhere special. Put it where there is beautiful lighting to accent the best features and hide the mistakes that may have happened in the process, but whatever you do; don’t just throw it in the attic and forget all the work you put into it; and the beautiful painting that it became.

This is how I like to think about my past. I spent time on it, put love into it, put sweat and tears and muscle into it and it has become a beautiful collection of memories. Of course there are mistakes and tears and rips and terrible ugly parts of the paining but, I have put these memories in my heart, highlighting the love and happiness and ignoring the flubs that happened along the way.

Just like art, or nature or anything really; if you focus on the mistakes, of course it will be ugly. But, if you highlight the best parts, the beautiful colors, the wonderful memories and all the moments of love then you have a beautiful painting, and a beautiful life.

Have a beautiful life. 

It's OK to be YOU

It's ok to love yourself for exactly what you are, what you look like, how you walk, how you exercise (or don't). The only judge capable of ruining you is you. I love myself dearly and I have been happy in my own self for some time. So many people want and know whats best for me but I am the only one who knows the truth. I am never going to change, I'll never be a model or an actress or a star, but I can be a ROLE model, take ACTION in what I believe, and be the START of a movement. I love to blog, write, inspire and one day I want to be able to influence others to do the same. So, maybe today is the start of that. Love yourself today, be proud of yourself today and if someone is a little uncomfortable with that, stop and think, are they insecure with who you are, or with themselves....because if you really think hard, only one of those explanations is possible. --ALR

Steps

Inspiration, discovery, limitlessness, impressions, opportunity, excitement, mystery, creativity, freedom, success,potential, happiness

These are all words that come to my mind when I think of my future. What are words that inspire you? Words that make your heart race? What word or thoughts give you goosebumps? There are so many things in life that make me so thankful to be alive. Music, Art, Simple Words. I am inspired by so many things. My family, friends, and passersby.

Why Do I Blog?

Rumination:
1. to think carefully and deeply about something
2. contemplation or reflection, which may become persistent and recurrent worrying

Do you ever get those constant thoughts? The ones that keep you up, wondering for days without end. Do you sit up endlessly wondering how your life will play out, how you could have changed something, or what you can do to make happen what you want to happen? My answer is yes, and I'm sure I am not the only one who wants this endless dialogue in my head to end. How can I make it stop?

This is why I blog. I blog to let my thoughts escape my mind. I blog to express the fears of my life as well as the joys and excitements. I blog to inspire and provoke thought and ways of being. I blog to be sane.

I am a natural worrier. Since I was five I have been worrying if I am doing things right, if my loved ones are happy, if it's going to rain, or if I will be successful in life. I worry about anything and everything, or as most people might call it, nothing.

Blogging has helped me to express and understand my worries, both ridiculous and reasonable. I have found a way to connect my mindless worries to concepts that allow me to see their true silliness and trivial qualities.

I have come to truly enjoy blogging in it's most purest form. I write whatever comes to my mind and hope it reaches someone somewhere who can relate and have that same moment of "aha!".

So all of you wonderful readers and writers and worriers, I blog for you, and for me, and the hope of a worry-less tomorrow.

Enjoy.

Jump

For so long I have been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I have asked myself so many questions; What is important to me? What should I be doing with my life? Is it bad to just do something that I like? Do I have to do something that betters the community? So many times I have thought that I found what I want to do, only to change my mind later. Reflecting back on my thoughts and choices I realized that I was deciding what I wanted to do with MY life based off of what I thought OTHER people would think is good. What was I thinking?

For some reason I thought I would be failing those around me if  I did anything short of becoming a nun who gave everything to needy others, or devoted all of my time to bettering the lives of the less fortunate instead of working for a fun magazine or planning events for rich people who have everything they could ever want. I realized, just recently, that this doesn't make sense. The people around me who I was trying to impress and make proud chose what they wanted to do based on what makes them feel proud, happy and accomplished; why shouldn't I do the same?

So from today on I have decided to start fresh and fulfill my interests and passions my way. I've decided to jump into life and not look back.

From now on I will be the artist of my own life. I will no longer let others decide which strokes or colors to use. I will decide what the final product will be. My life is now a blank canvas and no one will paint it but me.

And so it begins....

Well technically it has not yet begun for me, but for my best friends the wide open air of real life is calling their name.

As I attended all five of my roommates’ graduations I listened carefully to the speakers hoping that I might get some helpful tips on how to make it through my last semester of college. Maybe I would find some hidden message that would give me a head start and boost when it comes time for me to take the plunge into life's big ocean of trials and tribulations. I didn't find what I was looking for but what I did find was even better. While I sat through those graduations, I wanted to listen to all those great speeches, but they were just so, how do I put this...long, boring and terrible. 

What I did instead was sit there thinking about all the great times I have had at UConn, every second with my best best friends and suite mates, and how much I have changed and grown the past few years, and all because I got to know the five most amazing girls on the planet. 

Let's go back two years......

I was a scared junior in college with only a semester at UConn under my belt. I had joined a couple of groups and was starting to come out of my shell a bit but still couldn't seem to find my niche in the massive UConn bubble. That's when I met them; Lindsay, Liz, Shreena, Andrea and Nikki (Otherwise known as Lobster, The EIC, Weenie, Sassy Sandrea and Snicker-doodle). Walking into my dorm that first day I would have never thought that I would fall in love with these truly remarkable and wonderful people. They have not only been my backbone, support, defense, and cuddle system for the past two years, I have also learned so much from them. 

Shreena: She helps me with my Indian Accent. ("Varmit Up" "Pee-Pa-Loo") Without her I would sound British. 

Nikki: She runs slowly with me because I can't keep up with the rest of them on a run! Without her I would probably die of an asthma attack and no one would know because I was so far behind. 

Andrea: She introduced me, and the rest of us, to the Wobble! Without her we wouldn't have become the hottest dancers at Ladies night!

Lindsay: She stood by me while I danced my way through the center of campus singing loudly and off key, sometimes joining in. She prevented be from being doused with tomato juice by the passing students!

Liz: She has taught me how to style t-swiftlike curly hair. Now when I have daughters with afros I will be able to help them look semi-presentable. 

You see? Without these girls I would be a thirsty, British, tomato smelling, frizzy afro person having an asthma attack!

On a more serious note, these girls are my life, my loves, my very best friends and I will never ever let them go. 

Thank you flat-mates, you have made me who I am today.